I have really been struggling with this concept. To end the blog. I'm not sure if I will, or it will just stay like this indefinitely til I feel like writing again for ya'll. I just know I don't have the desire anymore.
There is a lot that has happened in my life in the last 8 months and most of it I have not put on here. Several animals are gone; the goats, Alaska, Cardiff, Khaliq, and SeaB who went to his mommy & Pierre a few weeks ago. Oh, and a red hen is missing...waa...
T & Parker were a unit and I didn't realize how much it wasn't about Parker that I hated, but more about living with T. It was brutal for my soul and I beat myself up more than I like, for going on so long. I know I am not alone in doing something like that and there are women (& men) all over the world who never leave because they are afraid or it's too hard to venture out alone. This is not a strength, IMO, to suck it up and be miserable. It's fear of the unknown and getting out of one's comfort zone to change a life that has gone awry. It is our responsibility to change what isn't working and certainly not blame someone else for unhappiness. And that doesn't mean you need to leave, as some relationships truly started out right. Our didn't and I really thought I could never be happy again with someone after losing Pierre. I thought I used up my quota. I thought wrong.
I think what has happened with me is I don't know if I want everyone to know my business anymore. I see on FB how people will blab about anything, like we all care and we all don't. And, to me it's the same with this blog. I showed at 9 specialties in the last 3 weeks, won enough to make me happy, but my heart isn't in it like it used to be. Majors are easy to get now, so a win doesn't hold the same love that it used to for me. And I've been told to drop Soleil's eye(s) so she can win Breeds. Wtf. Where does breeding a better dog come in??? When handlers drop their own eyes and make everyone looking at the dog get dropped, then let's see if that idea still comes up. I don't want to win that bad.
I think the most annoying thing was to meet up with several people who knew about what has happened here with Tony, with Winnie, and God knows what else and I did not tell them. In fact one woman knew all about my life and in some 35 years of being in collies I have MAYBE talked to her 4x's other than saying hello. Since I didn't say any of this on my blog, nor FB (ick) one or more of my friends blabbith. I must be so exciting to talk about.
So there you have it. I appreciate every comment I have ever received on this blog. Truly. But it's time to hibernate for a while.